30 October 2008

Barbarians!!!!!!

hey ya'll i'm bacc!!
What is a blog. a blog is carefully crafted window into the very soul of the blogger. and my soul is most ferocious. i am a mighty man given to gigantic mirths and melencholies. and i shall stride the nations of this world beneath my be nike'd feet!!!
and as fitting a a destiny as titanic and bloodsoaked as my own. i welcome you to my favorite babarian movies.

starting with

CONAN THE BARBARIAN


this 1982 masterpeice of of american cinema begats the legend of conan the greatest barbarian of all time. from humble beginings as a blacksmiths child to warrior slave and finnally the ravager of organised religion it's GREAT!!
some miscastings of course the thulsa doom (expertly played by James earl jones) was less like his litarary charchter and more like conans arch nemisi thoth amon. altho this doesn't matter cuz C the B delivers where it counts. in crazy sets and sword play.


CONAN THE DESTROYER




this movie did the most to make white people scared of black people cuz grace jones is terrifying. I'm sure there are special wards in hospitals for men who found the very idea of there manhood evaporating in the face of the fierce yet exceedingly feminine Zula. i was a lil scared but i clung to the hope that a sence of racial pride would stay her hand from slaying me.... I was wrong. and now I'm dead.

RED SONYA

This is a sturing polotical passion play about a young midwestern girl who slowly uncovers the inherent injustice of american society and turns to a life long communist. sike. thisis about a girl in a battle bikini killing people with a large sword. Another Un man maker. i mean if the sword is just a projection of our male libido what does it mean that we ENJOY watching a half naked woman shiv men to death. You can almost hear her whispering mines bigger than yours during the fight scenes. proly in an attempt to keep our ego's and self image from complete destruction the govanator is in this one as Lord Kalidor to help her out. I know what your thinking but no Conan is not in this movie. And i could proly spend hours decontructing the whole no man may have me unless the defeat me thing, but i wont instead i will take an ath that no woman may have me unless they beat me in combat !! 9 also it was funny watchin her and arold try and speak english heehee)




there's a new one comin too checc out this poster





BEAST MASTER

acid winged naked people CRAZY. this is a sukky movie but in a good way. It's soo damn intertaining i cant stand it. I mean living in the northwest you see weird white people trying to talk to animals all the time. white people crak me up. you created some of the most anti-nature cultures in the world shoved them on us with colonialism (calling us primitive the whole time for revering nature) and then went bacc to granola and made beast master.....wait thats not funny.



don't really watch this you tube video but in the first minute you can tell the damage to our society that happens when we suppress the homosexual urges present in some men. Instead of meeting a guy and engaging in a healthy loving relation ship the guy who made this spent years suffering alone in anguish untill he released this poorly masked man on man porn on the world. The acting is actually better in porn.

KRULL
yea the greastest use of a shuriken in a movie with no ninjas award goes to this film. the beast the slayers, ergo the magnificent and that ill scream dying bad guys make. SWEET. the best is the wedding cermony. i wish my cermony was like that then i'd set fire to all the guest i aint like but had to invite anyway cuz they're friends of my parents.




and last.




i was drawn to this by the youtube description.

a 10 year old boy declares war on the world.





yes

2 comments:

ian said...

YOU REVIEWED BEAST MASTER!!!! LOL!!! HILARIOUS!!

Anonymous said...

Dude,

Red Sonja post - please upload to your local blogger account and not hotlink to my site

Many thanks